


Selfish

by Adsagsona



Category: Spartacus Series (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-19
Updated: 2013-03-19
Packaged: 2017-12-05 20:24:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/727559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adsagsona/pseuds/Adsagsona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Agron has always been a selfish man, but now he has to let go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Selfish

**Author's Note:**

> I've seen the spoiler, I thought it made sense. I made my own version of what was to come before and after those words.  
> If you haven't seen the clip and don't want to know, don't read!!!

Agron had always thought about himself as a selfish man. Even back home, as a young boy, he had wanted everything and everyone to himself. His father, when he was at an important gathering, had to come home because his eldest son had come down with a life threatening fever.

His mother, who never let her troublesome firstborn out of her sight. His brother, of whom he never had truly separated, until a Roman sword claimed him. And even now he knew his brother was by his side, because he could not leave Agron behind. Nobody left Agron behind just like that.

But now he had to let go, willingly.

They sat huddled together, Nasir and Agron, closer than they had been in the last couple of weeks. Agron had foregone his pride and jealousy, knowing that if he didn’t show Nasir that he loved him, he might loose him this time. No afterlife together with Nasir for Agron, and he just couldn’t bear that… he was too selfish.

“Share you thoughts.”

Nasir’s voice startled Agron out of his dark thoughts and he looked up to the man he loved with his whole heart, knowing that it showed on his face, since Nasir’s gaze reflected his own. He leaned over, pressed a kiss to Nasir’s lips and hugged just a little closer.

“Thoughts quickly forgotten when you’re here to keep them at bay.” He answered truthfully and silenced again. He knew that Nasir was worried for him, but he would not tell the whole truth, he wouldn’t say what he had been planning for a few days yet.

After he had been quite sure that the pirate Castus was indeed led astray by his own brethren, and he was sure that the man kept fear in his heart for the likes of Agron and his fellow rebels, he went to talk to the man, alone.

“What do you seek here, Cilician?” 

Agron had trapped the man alone, outside of the tent, in the blistering cold. They would not been able to talk for long, as they would probably both freeze to death, but Agron would risk this over Nasir overhearing the conversation. 

“I merely wish to live.” Castus answered shortly, as he was scared of what Agron would do to him. He was the only one without a sword at hand.

“Good.” Agron said with a nod and drew the man closer to him. “If you wish to live you must flee, and take Nasir with you.”

Castus’ eyes grew large as he didn’t understand Agron’s meaning at first, thinking that it was all just a trick. But when Agron grew silent and he didn’t make a move to hurt the pirate, Castus dared to ask a question.

“You would have me with Nasir?” He asked.

“I have seen enough of your trickery to know that you care about Nasir, more than you are actually admitting. He will need someone who cares for him. If you, howeves, so much as blink at him without him willing, I will trust fucking blade into chest, even from the afterlife.”

Castus nodded, he understood.

“How do we proceed?” 

“The army has grown too large. A diversion will have to be made to distract Crassus’ army so that some of us may flee. Spartacus will be among them, if faith will so have it, I hope to convince Nasir to do the same. You go wherever he goes, Castus, do you understand? You will not let him out of your sight.”

“You mean… that you stay?” Castus couldn’t comprehend why he would be chosen to protect Nasir, who was a warrior on his own and did not need any protecting at all. 

“I will stay and I will fight. Nasir must go with you. It’s his only chance to survive.”

Agron was near tears as he said those last words, but he refused to let them fall. He was a selfish, strong man who did not cry in front of others. He only did this so he could have Nasir all to himself afterwards… only, he didn’t believe that anymore.

Both men greeted each other before they separated, each choosing another entrance to the tent and Agron settled into his place again, waiting for the worst of the storm to pass. Nasir looked up at him with questions in his eyes, but Agron would not address them. They sat in silence and kept each other close, both for warmth and companionship.

After the snow had gone, the rebels prepared for Crassus’ army to come to them. It was then that Agron finally found the courage to do something which he had never done out of his own free will. He let go of one he loved more than his own heart.

“Nasir.” He quietly spoke, but yet the man next to him had heard him and raised his head, looking up with deep dark eyes and questioning again. This time Agron would answer those questions.

“I would have words.” Agron gestured for the both of them to go outside and while Nasir followed Agron outside he thought about what strategy the army was to lay out, perhaps Agron could tell him more about it.

“I wish for you to go with the other group.” Agron blurted out suddenly and it made Nasir stop dead in his tracks.

“The… the other group? The ones we are leaving behind, you want me to stay with them? Does this mean you are staying too?” Nasir asked, but while the question was posed, both knew the answer.

“My place is forever with you.” Nasir answered his own question.

“Not in this.” Agron had trouble keeping his voice plain, his breath hitched, tears started to form in his eyes. He repeated in his head that he needed to let go if Nasir was to survive. He just needed to let go.

“You once swore the Gods themselves could not wrest me from your arms. And now you fucking cast me aside?!” Nasir didn’t understand, he didn’t know the reason why Agron was doing this. That he was just being selfish in wanting Nasir to live.

“My heart will never beat for another. Yet it would cease within chest if I were to drag you to your doom.” And it was the truth, he could not think of something else to say that just that. He didn’t want Nasir near him when the end came, because it would mean the end for Nasir as well.

“I am a warrior!” Nasir resisted and Agron loved him for it. His brave wild little dog would do anything to stay with him, but Agron couldn’t let him, not this time, not after everything they had gone through. Someone had to live and tell their story.

“ One I am most proud of. Set skills to aiding Spartacus and see those less able to true freedom.” Why didn’t he understand? Why couldn’t Nasir see that Agron was trying to let go? Perhaps it was the most selfless thing he had ever done in his whole life, but on the other hand he just wanted to have peace of mind that Nasir was not standing next to him in this final battle. 

“Do not ask me to turn from you.” Nasir’s voice changed into a soft plea and it almost changed Agron’s mind. Almost.

“I ask only that you live. And wrest what joy may be found under remaining days.”

Agron was done. If Nasir kept persisting he would have no choice but to turn around and leave him behind, so that he would get angry and perhaps not love Agron anymore. He could live with that if that meant keeping Nasir safe.  
Instead he was greeted with a cold little laugh coming from Nasir’s mouth, the man shaking his head.

“You still do not understand. How can I wrest joy from fucking remaining days if you are not in them? What joy came from us separating these last weeks? Tell me, Agron, how happy were you?!” 

“None.” Agron answered shortly and he stepped back so that he would not take Nasir in his arms and let him stay there for the remainder of the day and night.

“Then why would you ask of me to leave you behind, if you know that I would only aim to follow you. Everywhere.”

Nasir took a step closer, closing the distance between them and laying both hands on Agron’s chest. The German looked up and blinked tears away, before looking back at Nasir.

“You will not. The afterlife is a place which should be absent your mind. You will live, Nasir, so that we are not forgotten.”

“I do not care about being remembered.” Nasir answered as he looked up at Agron.

“There comes a time when all one has is memories.” Agron whispered softly and he bowed down, pressing a firm kiss to Nasir’s lips before finally stepping back completely. Nasir’s hands fell down his sides and when he moved towards Agron again, hands gripped his arms and he was held tightly.

“Apologies.” Agron said softly before turning his back to Nasir, moving towards the army which was ready to march.

Nasir wrestled in Castus’ arms, not even knowing who was holding him and not caring at all. His tears fell freely now that Agron was moving from his arms, he was hurt and angry and all he wanted to do was follow that army.

“Agron!”

His cry swept over the grounds and reached Agron’s ears. The man stopped for just a second, restoring hope in Nasir’s heart, before he stepped on again and disappeared into the large amount of men surrounding him.


End file.
